Helping with Bathing, Dressing, and Getting Around

This is one of the most practically difficult and emotionally complex parts of caregiving: helping your parent with the most intimate tasks of daily life. Bathing, dressing, getting to the bathroom, moving around safely.

Caregivers receive virtually no formal training for these tasks. According to the AARP/NAC 2020 Caregiving in the United States report, 6 in 10 caregivers who perform medical or nursing tasks learned how to do so on their own. That means most people figure this out by trial and error, often in the middle of a difficult moment, with no preparation.

Here’s what helps.

Before You Start: Some Honest Framing

This is often harder emotionally than physically. Caring for a parent’s body (especially if you’re a child caring for a parent) crosses lines that feel strange and uncomfortable. For the parent, it may involve grief and shame. For you, it may feel like a violation of the parent-child dynamic.

Both of you are allowed to feel that way. Name it if it helps: “This is a little weird for both of us. Let’s just take it one step at a time.”

Dignity matters enormously throughout. The way you do these tasks, your tone, your patience, whether you’re rushing, whether you respect your parent’s preferences, all of it affects how your parent experiences their situation.

Bathing and Personal Hygiene

Safety first. Falls in the bathroom are one of the leading causes of injury in older adults. According to a CDC study of nonfatal bathroom injuries, the highest injury rates occur in or around the tub or shower, particularly among those aged 65 and older. Before starting:

• Install grab bars near the toilet and in the shower/tub (not towel bars; those aren’t load-bearing)
• Use a non-slip mat in the tub/shower and on the bathroom floor
• Consider a shower chair or tub transfer bench
• A handheld showerhead is much easier than a fixed overhead for assisted bathing
• Make sure the water heater is set to 120°F or below to prevent scalding (elderly people have reduced heat sensitivity)

Practical approach for bathing:

1. Gather everything before you start (towel, washcloth, soap, shampoo, clean clothes) so you’re not leaving your parent mid-task
2. Test water temperature yourself before your parent gets in
3. Give your parent as much control as possible; let them do what they can and assist only where needed
4. Work from top to bottom, and make sure skin folds (armpits, under breasts, groin, between toes) are cleaned and dried thoroughly. Moisture trapped in skin folds leads to infections and skin breakdown.
5. Be systematic; finish one area before moving to the next

For people who strongly resist bathing: Some elderly adults, particularly those with dementia, resist bathing consistently. This is common. Strategies that help:

• Switch to sponge baths or strip washing if the tub/shower is the problem
• Try bathing at a different time of day (some people are calmer in the morning, others in the evening)
• Make it a predictable routine rather than an interruption
• Use a calm, matter-of-fact tone rather than asking permission or framing it as a choice when it isn’t one
• Don’t insist on daily baths if every-other-day or twice a week is sufficient

Hair care: Dry shampoo or a reclining shampoo tray (available online) can help for people who can’t safely lean over a sink.

Oral hygiene: Often overlooked but critically important. Poor oral hygiene in older adults is associated with aspiration pneumonia, a serious and common complication. A systematic review in Age and Ageing (2021) found that pathogenic oral microorganisms in people with poor oral hygiene are directly linked to aspiration pneumonia risk, particularly in residential care settings. Help with tooth brushing or denture cleaning daily.

Dressing

Principle: Preserve as much independence as possible. This takes more time but matters for dignity and cognitive engagement.

Practical tips:

• Lay out clothes in the order they’ll be put on
• Adaptive clothing (velcro instead of buttons, elastic waistbands, wrap-style garments) makes dressing easier for people with limited dexterity or range of motion
• Loose-fitting clothing is easier to put on and take off
• For socks and shoes, a long-handled shoehorn and sock aid can allow more independence
• Dress the weaker or impaired side first; undress it last

For stroke patients: If your parent has weakness on one side (hemiplegia), the standard technique is to put clothing on the affected side first (sleeve first, pants leg first) and remove it from the affected side last.

Mobility: Helping Someone Move Safely

First: know your limits. If your parent is significantly larger than you, or has limited ability to assist in transfers, trying to move them without proper technique or equipment is how caregivers injure their own backs. There’s no shame in getting help or using assistive equipment.

Basic transfer safety:

For helping someone from sitting to standing:

1. Make sure they’re sitting at the edge of the seat, feet flat on the floor
2. Have them lean forward (“nose over toes”)
3. On “three,” they push up from the armrests while you guide rather than lift
4. Never pull by the arms. This risks shoulder injury.
5. Transfer belts (gait belts) placed around the waist give you a safe grip

For helping someone in and out of a car, bed, or chair, the same principle applies: let them do as much as possible, guide and steady rather than lift.

Equipment that helps:

• Gait belt / transfer belt
• Transfer board (for wheelchair users or limited walkers)
• Bed rail or grab bar next to the bed
• Lift chair (chair that tilts forward to help with standing)
• Walker or rollator for ambulation

Preventing falls:

• Clear pathways: remove throw rugs, extension cords, clutter
• Good lighting, especially at night (nightlights in hallway and bathroom)
• Non-slip footwear. Socks alone are a fall risk.
• Know the signs that someone is about to fall: buckling knees, sudden balance loss

After a fall: Do not immediately try to lift your parent if they fall. First check for injury. If they are injured or can’t get up safely, call for help. If they’re not injured and can cooperate, help them roll to their side, get to their hands and knees, then to a sturdy chair to stand. Rushing a fall recovery causes additional injuries.

Taking Care of Yourself Physically

Caregiving is physically demanding. Back injuries are extremely common among caregivers who are doing transfers without proper technique.

• Use a gait belt whenever possible
• Bend at your knees, not your waist
• Keep the person close to your body
• Get training if you can. Occupational therapists and physical therapists who work with your parent can teach you proper techniques in real time.

If your parent’s physical care needs are beyond what you can safely provide alone, please say so: to the doctor, to the physical therapist, to your siblings. That’s not failure. That’s honest assessment of what’s needed. This is also a major contributor to caregiver burnout. The caregiver burnout self-assessment can help you see if the physical load is taking a toll you’re not fully acknowledging.

Next step: Read our guide on Managing Doctor Appointments and Medical Information to build the coordination systems that keep care organized.